


Just another job for Master of death Harry

by Misty123



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dumbledore Bashing, Hermione Granger Bashing, Multi, Weasley Bashing, light order bashing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 12:30:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13975173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misty123/pseuds/Misty123
Summary: Harry has just died and Death is introducing him to his new responsibilities as master of death





	Just another job for Master of death Harry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trickster32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster32/gifts).



> I will state this once all the characters belong to Rowling, I am just borrowing them for a while to play with. This is an alternative universe and has major character bashing so you are warned please enjor

“YOU ARE THE MASTER OF DEATH…..” A black cloaked skeleton sat opposite the Vanquisher of Voldemort, Boy who lived and studied his fingernails whilst Harry Potter just pouted and sulked at the unfairness of his life or in this case death. After all after living till the age of two hundred, and then being killed off by his loving family because he had lived too long, he did feel that he warranted a nice long stretch of bloody paradise.

Harry threw back the tuber of 1650 fire whiskeys and poured himself some more, if he was to be cursed to be the Master of Death and all it entailed he was determined to get as blind drunk as possible, after all the last time he had got blindly drunk was when he found his beloved wife thankfully servicing the whole of the Cannons. He had never felt such joy and peace to realise the harpy and her family couldn’t get more money out of him, well he had gotten drunk and then had a congratulatory shag with Ferret face, his lawyer Draco Malfoy. The pounce may have been a good lawyer but he was crap in bed as he could well testify after their once only shag.

Harry was sitting with Death in his living room, tastefully done out in green, blue and silver highlights. Death it seemed may have too dress in black robes, but he loved the psychedelic colours off the British mundane homes of the 1970’s, in fact this room was the only room that was completed in distinct muted colours. The kitchen where Deaths helper Albert the wizard was at the moment, Had been covered with 1970’s wallpaper that reminded you off the vortex of the BBC programme Doctor who, it was just that the Vortex colours were lemon, purple and a puce coloured green grey. Harry had to admit that the two three seater leather chesterfield were very comfortable and it was nice touch that Death had photo’s of his family scattered around the room mixed with the autographs of people he had obviously liked when he reaped their souls. Death himself was a good conversationalist and could hold his drink as well, but there was no way Harry as Master of Death wanted to do what he was supposed to do.

Harry knocked back another drink and continued the conversation “Master of Death should come with benefits…you know…..being able to shag what you want and have long winded conversations with idiots like the great philosophers of old about ethics, morals and visit and stay in different periods….not be a bloody millstone around my neck!”

Death nonchalantly for him interrupted with “It has to be somebodies job…and the last idiot we roped in to righting the time line managed to get himself back to his right period. Though he never did try to rebuild his time machine again……I mean giving the three hollows to your ancestors was I admit an aspired idea, it was just as a fail-safe really…never expected to need to use them to get us a Master of Death…..well Harry you hit the Jackpot of life or is it death”

“Right just add to my woes then…….none existent childhood bullied and abused by maternal relatives.....attended a school that saw my yearly little tests as just a steep learning curve...., raised as an ignorant pig to the slaughter…..managed to kill the mad max of the wizarding world....Then married the shrew from hell and had to suffer her extended family judgemental idiots, had three children who I loved, but who left me as soon as they became adults to live their lives as they wanted…”

Harry looked wistfully into his glass and carried on “They only got in contact when they needed money or favours from me….I was the poster child/man for the light side and cause…couldn’t even have a bloody PEACEFULL death because of the caterwauling from my beloved facilely who were only around my bedside to ensure I died. Never saw high nor head of the ingrates except at other family funerals were they would whisper between themselves that perhaps it was about time I did the decent thing and pegged it”

Albert at that moment stepped into the room with a cigarette but hanging out of his mouth and the ash from the cigarette threatening to fall into the refreshments that he carefully brought in to them. Death looked at Albert at commented “Very nice indeed Albert!....it is amazing how you can get the home made cupcakes swimming in the grease” Albert smiled and walked out the room happy that he had once again fed Death and his infrequent guests.

Harry shuddered at the cupcakes swimming in grease and carried on in is tirade against the unfairness of his life and now his death “So I die not so bloody peacefully and you bring me here to tell me that as Master of time I have to go back and relieve part of people’s life to ensure that the correct timeline is restored because a few manipulated gits screwed up the time line…namely one Albus Dumbledore….look can’t I just put out a contract with the Assassin guild to get him killed just after he takes his first breath as a baby…it would save everybody a great deal of heart ache after all”

“AFRAID not, whilst it would be a unique answer to the problem of the timeline interference from your planet….there are agencies who would not be happy with your solution….and believe me the auditing and paperwork would be a killer…..no this is really the only way forward Harry…Look you will have an assistant who will guide you on you travels and adventures….and when all goes well and the timeline is restored to how it should be…well you and your partners life will be more than happy and prosperous”

Harry looked at Death and sarcastically commented “Ow goody an assistant…knowing my luck in life and now death it will be that idiotic charlatan Luna Lovegood…there I will be hanging from a cliff face by my nails and the silly cow instead of trying to help me will witter on about made up creatures called nargles or Artic monkeys!”

“Weren’t they a British pop group in the late twentieth century?” questioned Death

Harry just shuddered and poured himself another glass of bourbon, filling up Death’s glass as well and continued “See if you know THEY WERE a pop group….you can see how totally insufferable she really was ……….NO Please DON’T TELL ME….NO!...NO!” Harry started sobbing uncontrollably as he continued “Having to relieve people life’s and the powers that be will I know give me the smug and smarmy know it all teachers pet Granger!....I am doomed…just doomed….I don’t know what is worse having somebody chasing bloody sun beams and pink unicorns that only they can see with elephants in the sky with diamonds….or the alternartive….an assistant that cross references even her underwear to ensure she has everything right….”

“BELIEVE ME POTTER……Granger was never the teaches pet at HOGWARTS…..you try marking an thirty thousand word assignment that she produced, when you were set just a thousand word assignment” A silky baritone voice entered into their conversation, a voice that Harry had not heard for over 180 years when he had left the man he had secretly loved for years alone dying in the shrieking shack to rescue the wizarding world from itself. For years Harry had wanted to hear one last time Severus Snape’s voice and see him again. 

Death cleared his throat and interrupted with “Harry meet your assistant on your tasks that you have been given” Harry just looked at Severus and thought to himself that life or death was defiantly looking up for him!


End file.
